Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Camera Cat Fight?

Sorry but my camera and I are in a fight. I avoided her so much she apparently isn't ready to forgive me because she won't transfer my videos onto the computer! She's holding them hostage! So for now, words will have to work :)

Today was better I ate well and I am feeling much better. I am really focusing on my water intake and drank like 70 ounces today!! My main problem is the gym. I love being there, but hate getting there. I have to get my butt there to realize I want to work out. However, I did get a good deal on a bodybugg and hope that will help me! I never trust what the machines say I am burning. I am also trying to get more actively involved in general with fun things. I'm trying to make most of the zumba classes and I bought some boxing gloves on ebay today! I've always wanted to learn so I think I will give it a try! That's really it for now I have to go study for a test so I will catch up with you all later. And I hope you all know your support means the world to me. Hopefully my camera will give us a video tomorrow but until then, OVWA!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Open Doors!

Hey guys! Today is going really well Tuesdays are busy with school and work so I have that structure benefit. I am planning on heading to the gym afterwards so that should be fun! Haha But don't worry I didn't turn my back on my camera I will have a new video for you hopefully tonight. See you then!!

P.S. I have decided to take up the opportunity to study next year in Ireland...literally a dream come true! I have added a "widget" (funny word!) to the right of my blog. If you want to make a donation just click the "chip in" button and donate anything you want! A penny is a blessing!! But I know that things are tough these days and people don't even have enough money for themselves, hence, this fundraiser. So do not worry about it if you can't, your support is enough!! I love you all, posting a video later :)

Saturday, February 5, 2011

venting and healing

So I was trying to fall asleep but all I could think about was this blog. I know I have not been posting the last 2 weeks and I am so sorry. I don't quite know why I am apologizing to you, but I feel like it's easier to say sorry to you than to myself. I have noticed a pattern in my life. Every time I see something working for me, I find some way to ruin it. It seems nothing works out for me and I use that as an excuse to never succeed in anything when the truth is, the thing that holds me back is ME. These last couple weeks I have been feeling myself fall into a sort of downward spiral.


It all started with the sudden news that my uncle had passed away from a heart attack. It led to seeing all my family which always leads to a lot of love, but a lot of opinions. On my dad's side of the family I have 2 grandmas (identical twins) a grandpa (duh), 20 aunts and uncles, and over 30 cousins...there's a lot of people! Everyone was asking me how college was going. You see my cousins are all amazing. They go to amazing schools and get scholarships and it seems I am one of the few grand kids that are not up for the Nobel prize. I am also the only cousin that goes to community college while the others are off at universities. My grandma tells me that I am smart because I am saving so much money. But no one understands that community college is NOT college. It is high school all over again except you don't know anyone. It's like my parents expect me to go there and live at home to save money, yet they make me feel like I'm I'm latching on to them because I'm not "on my own". Family things have been hard this last year because my parents recently got divorced. It's one of those things where a lot of people have parents that are divorced but when they were like 7 years old and it seems your feelings are childish because you're going through it at such an old age.


Back to school...because I do hate going to my school so much I literally have no motivation to try. I just don't care and it really upsets me. I can't take any interesting classes because the only ones that will transfer are general eds. I can feel myself sinking into almost a depression like I was last year and I almost let all my friends go and was when I gained all this weight back. And I have let myself feed in, literally, to these emotions without even trying to fight back. I have felt like absolute crap and I'm really really tired of it. I was sitting in bed asking myself, what is something you have accomplished in the last 2 weeks. And I could not think of ONE thing. I know that attitude is what you make of it and things need to be dealt with in order to move past them. So I am writing all of this to you so that I can stop letting it keep me prisoner in my own body. Today one of my best friends said to me "I don't understand why people don't want to take the effort to take care of themselves. I feel like that should be the number one priority because when all is said and done, the only person you have forever is yourself. You are the person you see everyday and why wouldn't you want to love that person?" And while she had no idea that it had anything to do with what was going on with me, I can honestly say it changed my whole outlook. She's right. You are the one person you are stuck with for the rest of your life and you have the power to make that person into the best you can be. I have been so caught up in what life has thrown at me I have not taken the time to realize that shit happens and the only thing we can control is how it affects us. I do not want to spend the rest of my life with this person I have become...I don't even know this person.


So I say to you thank you for letting me vent all this and sort things out here.


And I say to myself, I am sorry for letting you down all this time and holding you back. But from now on, we are becoming who we've always known we could be. NO MORE EXCUSES.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Webcam Hello!

video
Sorry to give you one that doesn't match words with mouth but it was my last resource sorry guys!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Sleeeeeeep

Hey! So I did not have time to make a video today and I definitly don't have time to edit one because I have been working on my sleep and getting in 8 hours a day. Plus, I have to wake up at 7 every day because starting monday I am going to be babysitting my nephew from 8 to 6 every day so I need to trick my body into thinking 7 is normal! So I am off to bed but I will be back tomorrow!

Today, I did really good on my eating coming in at my 41 points plus points! I've been using my amazing weight watcher scale it is saving my life. I got all my fruits and veggies in too :) woot woot! I did not get to the gym tonight but since I am waking up at 7 I am going to head over to the gym nice and early! I'm really trying to center in on my abs...as in i'm trying to get some!

School started again yesterday so I am just trying to create a routine to make things easier to plan meals and exercise so I can stick to my plan with no excuse of life getting in the way because guess what...it's always going to be in the way if you let it! So I am off to catch some zzz's but I'll have a video for you tomorrow,
Night!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

award!

Hey guys! my internet has been down :*( But it's back and i signed on to see that I won some awards from
Trisha! and Sue! thanks guys :) I LOVE YOU!
 

This was a fun video to make and I have picked some people to pass it on to! I love you all but I'm only supposed to name people I've recently found so here they are!

Kaitlin!
Debbi!
Julie!
Lanie!
"A" :)
Teresa!





As with other Awards, there are rules to this one... and they follow as this;




Post and link back to the person who awarded you this award
Share 7 things about yourself.

Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers (or as many as you can).

Contact the bloggers and tell them they won!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Saturday, January 8, 2011

:)

Visit Kaitlin HERE!

Friday, January 7, 2011

Time is a scary thing

For this I did not make a video because honestly, I don't think I could. Exactly one year ago my friend Jackie's life was tragically taken from her when her family's car slid into a semi-truck on the highway. It was a blizzard storm, ice everywhere and she and her mom died. I made an entry this day last year promising Jack that I would use her death as a meaning to my own life. That life is so short and it can be taken from us in an instant. I swore to her that I would get myself healthy and stop making a mockery of the blessing of life. 

But I broke that promise.

I really started to think about this and I came to find what a hypocrite I actually am. One of my best friends and I have had a falling out because she has bipolar disease. The disease makes her manipulative and moody. Quite frankly, a real bitch; but I know it is the disease. And there are so many things she can do to help it whether it's pills, exercising, eating right, going to therapy and so much more. I tried and tried to help her until finally, she hated me and thought I wasn't being there for her because I told her the truth instead of walking on eggshells around her like everyone else. And I could not believe that she didn't want to take the time to do small simple things to save her life and she didn't want to face reality. Then I realized I am exactly the same. If I just went to the gym and watched my weight and got the right amount of sleep and many other small things, I could lose this weight and be healthy. I am committing suicide by not doing it and that makes me no better than her. I am no one to judge. So while I cannot help her, I can help myself and try to show her what can be done. 

So I am not a year late to keeping my promise to Jackie, I am 18 years late to keeping a promise to myself. And for that I am sorry, but I am ready to make an honest woman of myself and though it is late, keep that promise to Jack and myself. This IS my year and I'm not going to let Jackie down, and I'm certainly not going to let myself down.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Thank you Julie!

you can find Julie at This Site!!

Boo internet

Yesterday I did not have internet of course! It was really pathetic actually how the night seemed so boring without technology. So we went grocery shopping!! I stocked up on all yummy and healthy things! There will be a video today so I will show you them then! sorry no video yesterday but it was a good day! had a good workout and tonight, going to Zumba!!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Monday, January 3, 2011

Peace in Blog World?

I just want to take a moment to say I did not realize my hair looked THIS bad! I didn't think I just made a video!
And thanks again to everyone for their support <3

WANTED: Points Plus Help

Hey guys sorry I've been trying to upload this for days! haha but now I'm beast at it so no worries in the future!
Yay for a better quality camera :)

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