Thursday, March 18, 2010

I'm where i started

i'm disgusted with myself. i simply don't know what to do anymore. you know when you get into that way of gaining and you just feel hopeless and all you do is gain some more? i hope that's not just me. ironically, biggest loser was the catalyst. i've been wanting to try out for that show since i was 14 and now i was turning 18 i thought for sure it was fate that i be on the show. So when i decided to try out i decided i better not lose weight. it was the dumbest thing i've ever done and now i'm paying for it. OF COURSE i didn't make the show, what was i thinking? I'm definitley one to day dream and think of "what if" and obviously, get caught up. What have i done to myself? I know there's nothing I can do but get up and start again but i am so not motivated. The worst thing you can do is feel as though you're not worth it and thought i know it's wrong I can't help but think it. All i can think of is how I am going to graduate and go TO PROM FAT. This blog was a complete failure. I didn't lose any pounds for prom. I'm not shopping for a dress and I'm definitley not going with a date. I just don't know what to do to get myself started again. I've done this so many times before it's not fair that we have to struggle with this time after time. I just want to be healthy and feel good. i can completely tell the difference I feel like crap. Eating the way I do makes me lazy, resulting in gaining weight and sending me into comforting myself in food and into this cycle. But when i signed on tonight on my blog and saw how people actually wanted to know how I was doing I was first ashamed. I was hoping you all thought I got rid of internet or something...but no. It's not the truth. I can't even remember the last time i was at weight watchers. Ugh this post is depressing and whiney i hate it. I don't know if I'll post it. I just need some support does anyone have any advice for me? anyone please help me :(


  1. Kelly, I'm so glad that you did decide to post it. You are NOT alone. I know it's hard to believe, but there is nothing to be ashamed about. This is hard. We've all been there. In fact, your words remind me a lot of myself. Just please don't give up on yourself. None of us have. And please keep reaching out. We're here for you.

  2. Kelly, honey, my best advice is to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back to it. I KNOW how you feel!!! We all do hon. Turn this hopelessness around though sweetie, get angry, and use that anger to motivate. Kick yourself in the ass and get back in gear. Then let that anger go, because you won't need it. Please stop focusing on the negative, stop making it a negative. It's NOT hopeless, you ARE worth it. We're here for you!

  3. Good to see you back! Admitting our mistakes is the hardest part. It would have been the easiest thing in the world for you to ignore this blog and keep on eating/gaining (plenty of blogs I've been following have gone down this route, sadly). Well done for stepping up to the plate and making yourself accountable.

    The only advice I have for you is to not focus on your prom, but rather a longer-term goal and the benefits of losing the excess weight. Ok, you probably won't be at goal for your prom, but you *could* be at goal for another important milestone in your life if you set your mind to it. We all fall down on the way to our goals, and it's those of us who pick ourselves up and carry on/start again who will make it to the end. It doesn't matter how long it takes - it's not a race. :o)

  4. Kelly, I'm so glad you posted! Seriously, we have ALL done this so many times, and most people don't have the guts to come back and write about it. Here's the thing - if you keep focusing on yesterday, then you're never going to be happy. All you have to do is focus on today. I was exactly in the same position as you! I promised myself that I would be at my goal weight by prom. I didn't even get close and I was so mad at myself. But then, literally a month later I realized that prom is a very minor detail that you'll barely remember for the rest of your life!

    But 5 months from now when prom is over and everyone has moved on (which I promise they will), people will then be thinking going to college, parties, etc. You can still make those goals, you really really can!! Just focus on today, don't bother thinking about tomorrow cause it's not here yet. you can so do this and we're all here for you!!!!

  5. You can do it! Go, Kelly, Go!

  6. Hi Kelly - YOU CAN DO THIS.
    You're a smart, funny, determined girl with so much to offer. Don't give up. Even when the climb seems steep, the view is always worth it.
    Anyway, your blog always makes me laugh. If you need any support or just a nice chat, please add me on AIM - roberthhhenry.
    Rob xx

  7. Kelly-I'm so glad you're back! We were worried :) Because we've all been there. Today is a new day and YOU are in control of your choices. All you can do with yesterday is learn from it, just use it as raw data without getting your feelings all wrapped up in it. Prom is just one night and you have MANY bigger, better nights ahead that you'll want to feel your best for.

    I didn't go to my prom because I didn't feel good enough about myself to go. I wasn't happy with my looks or my weight (btw- I WISH I was that weight now!) or the whole scene-trying on dresses, etc. But I got over it pretty quickly! By graduation I was so ready to get on with my life that I really have no regrets about missing prom :) And I can honestly say my life has steadily gone uphill since then. Even with the challenges life throws everyone's way, I wouldn't trade a single day of my life now just to say "I went to prom." Not that you *shouldn't* go-I'm just saying that if you do or if you don't, it's so not a big deal. You might not believe this, but it is so much better to feel pretty and great about yourself EVERY DAY than to have some photos of the ONE NIGHT in your life that you felt that way. Hope that makes sense! When I look back at my high-school self trying on those godawful,tiny dresses I can honestly say that the way I wanted SO desperately to feel about myself then is exactly the way I feel now.

    Plus? I have TONS of friends who never went to prom!! And one friend of mine throws a HUGE formal prom every December where we all get super-dressed up and have an awesome time year after year. Prom is where you make it, girl! Keep in touch! We're all here for you. And you can email me if you ever want to at Please remember that you are worth staying focused and that we are SO proud of you!
    :) Margo

  8. Like my post wasn't long enough! I forgot to mention that I just finished reading "Believe it, Be it" by Ali Vincent, the first female Biggest Loser. I HIGHLY recommend it. Among the many great points she has to make is that even though she was determined to be the first woman to win the Biggest Loser, she had made up her mind to change her life and she said that if she hadn't made it on the show, she would have found another way to get to where she is today-very inspiring!

  9. My dear girl, where are you?! Maybe you didn't make this goal, but it's really okay. You'll have other special events and times in your life, you need to keep on track. I know you know how to do just do it!


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