New year, New us!

I love that probably no one will watch this, but I have to say making videos makes you feel better than you'd think! :)

P.s. I have to say the fact that these videos work before i upload them and then decide to not match my words like an old kung fu movie is pissing me off so I'm sorry!

1 YEAR?!

bad quality video but basically I'll let you know when I can get this vlog idea going I hope you follow me!

p.s. please actually let me know how you're doing I want to know how everyone is! :)

hey hey hey

wow it's been a long time-too long! i haven't been writing for a while because there has been SO much going on. There has been some family stuff happening and I was using food for a way out;but not anymore. this last week i have been on weight watchers fully and I am feeling good. I am cooking more and relaxing a bit more because school is out! i am done with high school, it's crazy! But now i have even more time to devote to getting in shape. I have made a pact with my friend to go to the gym everyday and kick our butts. I have been having trouble lately because my back has been KILLING me. I don't know what it is it just randomly started hurting and it's really bad. I don't want to go to the doctor!! I hate doctors :( But it is another wake up call to get my butt moving and in shape. I should be writing more regularly againnn :) I've missed you all!

Off to the gym...

see ya!

Feeling amazing!!!

So last night was hell. I had eaten gross and the zipper of the dress I had been working on for hours for a competition thursday completely broke. i was about to die! But today i've eaten good and i feel amazing. I fixed my dress and now it is better and i have a whole look for it! AND AND AND about 2 months ago my photography teacher had started talking about a competition that we would have to enter. My high school is a part of a college so we take college courses there. So for my photography class we had to enter 3 pictures to an art show the college has. It's basically every type of art at the school so there was a chance photography wouldn't even be picked. On top of that, there was only one judge so the taste of him meant everything. And lastly we were still high school kids we didn't really stand a chance. My teacher said he's only had one winner in his class ever. So today i was completely SHOCKED when i heard that my picture had been chosen for the show. I didn't think this picture was that good at all!!! there were many better but now I am in it and im so excited!!!
Here's the picture! (like i said, it's not great but hey i'm not complaining about getting in!) :)

Hiiiiiiiii

so i've been avoiding you all. don't get me wrong, i love you! but i just have. It really shocked but amazed me how many of you are trying so hard to support me. I am going to be worthy of your support! tomorrow I am on track again! I have my whole life ahead of me and i have big plans. speaking of, how about a little advice from you guys since you are so good at giving it!! So i went to a "woot you're 18" birthday dinner with my parents where we are supposed to talk about my future...dun dun dun! well i was very worried about telling them my hopes...i want to move...some distance away...out of the country.... :) i wasn't expecting them to take it so lightly but i dont really know what they think. I'm pretty sure they believe me moving to England is a stupid idea but for some reason it just feels right for me. Its just something that when i think of it, i feel like it's the right thing for me. I was hoping you all could give me some advice about what to do. I want to travel and see the world and there is no way in hell I am staying in this shit hole. I was considering a college downtown but since i live in Chicago it doesn't seem far enough. I don't know what I should do. I don't know 100% of what i want to do career-wise but i feel like i can feed off of experience more than anything else. Dont worry i'm 100% sure im going to college but i dont know where to go and for what without wasting my money. I CAN'T go to community college I'll die!! i want new places with new people I want a fresh start. As for weight, I am remotivated for this new start new me. Well not all new just a healthier me! im ready to cook and workout and get my ass in shape! that's all for now! love you guys! :) p.s. Man named Rob, you're too nice! I was trying to find your blog but can't find! leave me your link if you see this !!

I'm back...to where i started

i'm disgusted with myself. i simply don't know what to do anymore. you know when you get into that way of gaining and you just feel hopeless and all you do is gain some more? i hope that's not just me. ironically, biggest loser was the catalyst. i've been wanting to try out for that show since i was 14 and now i was turning 18 i thought for sure it was fate that i be on the show. So when i decided to try out i decided i better not lose weight. it was the dumbest thing i've ever done and now i'm paying for it. OF COURSE i didn't make the show, what was i thinking? I'm definitley one to day dream and think of "what if" and obviously, get caught up. What have i done to myself? I know there's nothing I can do but get up and start again but i am so not motivated. The worst thing you can do is feel as though you're not worth it and thought i know it's wrong I can't help but think it. All i can think of is how I am going to graduate and go TO PROM FAT. This blog was a complete failure. I didn't lose any pounds for prom. I'm not shopping for a dress and I'm definitley not going with a date. I just don't know what to do to get myself started again. I've done this so many times before it's not fair that we have to struggle with this time after time. I just want to be healthy and feel good. i can completely tell the difference I feel like crap. Eating the way I do makes me lazy, resulting in gaining weight and sending me into comforting myself in food and into this cycle. But when i signed on tonight on my blog and saw how people actually wanted to know how I was doing I was first ashamed. I was hoping you all thought I got rid of internet or something...but no. It's not the truth. I can't even remember the last time i was at weight watchers. Ugh this post is depressing and whiney i hate it. I don't know if I'll post it. I just need some support does anyone have any advice for me? anyone please help me :(