Pounds for Prom

Back in Black...

2011-11-05T23:29:00.000-07:00

...cause it's slimming. Hey guys sorry it's been so long, been dealing with some stuff. But to catch you up on my weight, I have gained. :( I was getting frustrated with my weight because I was trying and still gaining. After a visit to the doctor and multiple tests, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. Though the name doesn't sound like it, it has to do with high levels of testosterone and problems with my insulin which apparently has affected my weight my entire life...great! But I guess it's nice to finally have some answers. So I am going to be put on a whole bunch of medicine which will hopefully help I'll keep you posted. But I have gotten a personal trainer and have been on a high protein diet fixed around rules for this disease and I lost 5 pounds last week and am weighing in again this Wednesday! For the first time in a long time I'm feeling hopeful. I got a job and am going back to school in January. I had to drop out earlier this year because of some personal stuff and it has been snowballing into self-disgust of feeling so unproductive. But I'm trying to get back on track and I knew coming on here would help me! You guys are always so supportive so I knew I could come here. Since I haven't been here for a while everyone tell me how you are!!! It will take me a while to creep on all your pages so give me some time ;)

I've missed you all <3

Camera Cat Fight?

2011-02-09T17:11:00.000-08:00

Sorry but my camera and I are in a fight. I avoided her so much she apparently isn't ready to forgive me because she won't transfer my videos onto the computer! She's holding them hostage! So for now, words will have to work :)

Today was better I ate well and I am feeling much better. I am really focusing on my water intake and drank like 70 ounces today!! My main problem is the gym. I love being there, but hate getting there. I have to get my butt there to realize I want to work out. However, I did get a good deal on a bodybugg and hope that will help me! I never trust what the machines say I am burning. I am also trying to get more actively involved in general with fun things. I'm trying to make most of the zumba classes and I bought some boxing gloves on ebay today! I've always wanted to learn so I think I will give it a try! That's really it for now I have to go study for a test so I will catch up with you all later. And I hope you all know your support means the world to me. Hopefully my camera will give us a video tomorrow but until then, OVWA!

Open Doors!

2011-02-08T11:26:00.000-08:00

Hey guys! Today is going really well Tuesdays are busy with school and work so I have that structure benefit. I am planning on heading to the gym afterwards so that should be fun! Haha But don't worry I didn't turn my back on my camera I will have a new video for you hopefully tonight. See you then!!

P.S. I have decided to take up the opportunity to study next year in Ireland...literally a dream come true! I have added a "widget" (funny word!) to the right of my blog. If you want to make a donation just click the "chip in" button and donate anything you want! A penny is a blessing!! But I know that things are tough these days and people don't even have enough money for themselves, hence, this fundraiser. So do not worry about it if you can't, your support is enough!! I love you all, posting a video later :)

venting and healing

2011-02-05T23:40:00.000-08:00

So I was trying to fall asleep but all I could think about was this blog. I know I have not been posting the last 2 weeks and I am so sorry. I don't quite know why I am apologizing to you, but I feel like it's easier to say sorry to you than to myself. I have noticed a pattern in my life. Every time I see something working for me, I find some way to ruin it. It seems nothing works out for me and I use that as an excuse to never succeed in anything when the truth is, the thing that holds me back is ME. These last couple weeks I have been feeling myself fall into a sort of downward spiral.

It all started with the sudden news that my uncle had passed away from a heart attack. It led to seeing all my family which always leads to a lot of love, but a lot of opinions. On my dad's side of the family I have 2 grandmas (identical twins) a grandpa (duh), 20 aunts and uncles, and over 30 cousins...there's a lot of people! Everyone was asking me how college was going. You see my cousins are all amazing. They go to amazing schools and get scholarships and it seems I am one of the few grand kids that are not up for the Nobel prize. I am also the only cousin that goes to community college while the others are off at universities. My grandma tells me that I am smart because I am saving so much money. But no one understands that community college is NOT college. It is high school all over again except you don't know anyone. It's like my parents expect me to go there and live at home to save money, yet they make me feel like I'm I'm latching on to them because I'm not "on my own". Family things have been hard this last year because my parents recently got divorced. It's one of those things where a lot of people have parents that are divorced but when they were like 7 years old and it seems your feelings are childish because you're going through it at such an old age.

Back to school...because I do hate going to my school so much I literally have no motivation to try. I just don't care and it really upsets me. I can't take any interesting classes because the only ones that will transfer are general eds. I can feel myself sinking into almost a depression like I was last year and I almost let all my friends go and was when I gained all this weight back. And I have let myself feed in, literally, to these emotions without even trying to fight back. I have felt like absolute crap and I'm really really tired of it. I was sitting in bed asking myself, what is something you have accomplished in the last 2 weeks. And I could not think of ONE thing. I know that attitude is what you make of it and things need to be dealt with in order to move past them. So I am writing all of this to you so that I can stop letting it keep me prisoner in my own body. Today one of my best friends said to me "I don't understand why people don't want to take the effort to take care of themselves. I feel like that should be the number one priority because when all is said and done, the only person you have forever is yourself. You are the person you see everyday and why wouldn't you want to love that person?" And while she had no idea that it had anything to do with what was going on with me, I can honestly say it changed my whole outlook. She's right. You are the one person you are stuck with for the rest of your life and you have the power to make that person into the best you can be. I have been so caught up in what life has thrown at me I have not taken the time to realize that shit happens and the only thing we can control is how it affects us. I do not want to spend the rest of my life with this person I have become...I don't even know this person.

So I say to you thank you for letting me vent all this and sort things out here.

And I say to myself, I am sorry for letting you down all this time and holding you back. But from now on, we are becoming who we've always known we could be. NO MORE EXCUSES.

Webcam Hello!

2011-01-15T20:55:00.000-08:00

Sorry to give you one that doesn't match words with mouth but it was my last resource sorry guys!

Sleeeeeeep

2011-01-14T21:09:00.000-08:00

Hey! So I did not have time to make a video today and I definitly don't have time to edit one because I have been working on my sleep and getting in 8 hours a day. Plus, I have to wake up at 7 every day because starting monday I am going to be babysitting my nephew from 8 to 6 every day so I need to trick my body into thinking 7 is normal! So I am off to bed but I will be back tomorrow!

Today, I did really good on my eating coming in at my 41 points plus points! I've been using my amazing weight watcher scale it is saving my life. I got all my fruits and veggies in too :) woot woot! I did not get to the gym tonight but since I am waking up at 7 I am going to head over to the gym nice and early! I'm really trying to center in on my abs...as in i'm trying to get some!

School started again yesterday so I am just trying to create a routine to make things easier to plan meals and exercise so I can stick to my plan with no excuse of life getting in the way because guess what...it's always going to be in the way if you let it! So I am off to catch some zzz's but I'll have a video for you tomorrow,
Night!

award!

2011-01-13T19:54:00.000-08:00

Hey guys! my internet has been down :*( But it's back and i signed on to see that I won some awards from
Trisha! and Sue! thanks guys :) I LOVE YOU!

This was a fun video to make and I have picked some people to pass it on to! I love you all but I'm only supposed to name people I've recently found so here they are!

Kaitlin!
Debbi!
Julie!
Lanie!
"A" :)
Teresa!

As with other Awards, there are rules to this one... and they follow as this;

Post and link back to the person who awarded you this award
Share 7 things about yourself.

Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers (or as many as you can).

Contact the bloggers and tell them they won!

WOOT!

2011-01-09T18:05:00.001-08:00

:)

2011-01-08T21:29:00.000-08:00

Visit Kaitlin HERE!

Time is a scary thing

2011-01-07T09:15:00.000-08:00

For this I did not make a video because honestly, I don't think I could. Exactly one year ago my friend Jackie's life was tragically taken from her when her family's car slid into a semi-truck on the highway. It was a blizzard storm, ice everywhere and she and her mom died. I made an entry this day last year promising Jack that I would use her death as a meaning to my own life. That life is so short and it can be taken from us in an instant. I swore to her that I would get myself healthy and stop making a mockery of the blessing of life.

But I broke that promise.

I really started to think about this and I came to find what a hypocrite I actually am. One of my best friends and I have had a falling out because she has bipolar disease. The disease makes her manipulative and moody. Quite frankly, a real bitch; but I know it is the disease. And there are so many things she can do to help it whether it's pills, exercising, eating right, going to therapy and so much more. I tried and tried to help her until finally, she hated me and thought I wasn't being there for her because I told her the truth instead of walking on eggshells around her like everyone else. And I could not believe that she didn't want to take the time to do small simple things to save her life and she didn't want to face reality. Then I realized I am exactly the same. If I just went to the gym and watched my weight and got the right amount of sleep and many other small things, I could lose this weight and be healthy. I am committing suicide by not doing it and that makes me no better than her. I am no one to judge. So while I cannot help her, I can help myself and try to show her what can be done.

So I am not a year late to keeping my promise to Jackie, I am 18 years late to keeping a promise to myself. And for that I am sorry, but I am ready to make an honest woman of myself and though it is late, keep that promise to Jack and myself. This IS my year and I'm not going to let Jackie down, and I'm certainly not going to let myself down.

Thank you Julie!

2011-01-06T17:50:00.000-08:00

you can find Julie at This Site!!

Boo internet

2011-01-06T09:11:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I did not have internet of course! It was really pathetic actually how the night seemed so boring without technology. So we went grocery shopping!! I stocked up on all yummy and healthy things! There will be a video today so I will show you them then! sorry no video yesterday but it was a good day! had a good workout and tonight, going to Zumba!!

Good Day!

2011-01-04T18:20:00.001-08:00

Peace in Blog World?

2011-01-03T23:43:00.000-08:00

I just want to take a moment to say I did not realize my hair looked THIS bad! I didn't think I just made a video!
And thanks again to everyone for their support <3

WANTED: Points Plus Help

2011-01-03T10:48:00.001-08:00

Hey guys sorry I've been trying to upload this for days! haha but now I'm beast at it so no worries in the future!
Yay for a better quality camera :)

New year, New us!

2010-12-31T20:15:00.000-08:00

I love that probably no one will watch this, but I have to say making videos makes you feel better than you'd think! :)

P.s. I have to say the fact that these videos work before i upload them and then decide to not match my words like an old kung fu movie is pissing me off so I'm sorry!

1 YEAR?!

2010-12-30T22:47:00.000-08:00

bad quality video but basically I'll let you know when I can get this vlog idea going I hope you follow me!

p.s. please actually let me know how you're doing I want to know how everyone is! :)

hey hey hey

2010-05-25T20:31:00.000-07:00

wow it's been a long time-too long! i haven't been writing for a while because there has been SO much going on. There has been some family stuff happening and I was using food for a way out;but not anymore. this last week i have been on weight watchers fully and I am feeling good. I am cooking more and relaxing a bit more because school is out! i am done with high school, it's crazy! But now i have even more time to devote to getting in shape. I have made a pact with my friend to go to the gym everyday and kick our butts. I have been having trouble lately because my back has been KILLING me. I don't know what it is it just randomly started hurting and it's really bad. I don't want to go to the doctor!! I hate doctors :( But it is another wake up call to get my butt moving and in shape. I should be writing more regularly againnn :) I've missed you all!

Off to the gym...

2010-04-11T08:23:00.001-07:00

see ya!

Feeling amazing!!!

2010-04-05T14:11:00.000-07:00

So last night was hell. I had eaten gross and the zipper of the dress I had been working on for hours for a competition thursday completely broke. i was about to die! But today i've eaten good and i feel amazing. I fixed my dress and now it is better and i have a whole look for it! AND AND AND about 2 months ago my photography teacher had started talking about a competition that we would have to enter. My high school is a part of a college so we take college courses there. So for my photography class we had to enter 3 pictures to an art show the college has. It's basically every type of art at the school so there was a chance photography wouldn't even be picked. On top of that, there was only one judge so the taste of him meant everything. And lastly we were still high school kids we didn't really stand a chance. My teacher said he's only had one winner in his class ever. So today i was completely SHOCKED when i heard that my picture had been chosen for the show. I didn't think this picture was that good at all!!! there were many better but now I am in it and im so excited!!!
Here's the picture! (like i said, it's not great but hey i'm not complaining about getting in!) :)

Hiiiiiiiii

2010-04-04T21:18:00.000-07:00

so i've been avoiding you all. don't get me wrong, i love you! but i just have. It really shocked but amazed me how many of you are trying so hard to support me. I am going to be worthy of your support! tomorrow I am on track again! I have my whole life ahead of me and i have big plans. speaking of, how about a little advice from you guys since you are so good at giving it!! So i went to a "woot you're 18" birthday dinner with my parents where we are supposed to talk about my future...dun dun dun! well i was very worried about telling them my hopes...i want to move...some distance away...out of the country.... :) i wasn't expecting them to take it so lightly but i dont really know what they think. I'm pretty sure they believe me moving to England is a stupid idea but for some reason it just feels right for me. Its just something that when i think of it, i feel like it's the right thing for me. I was hoping you all could give me some advice about what to do. I want to travel and see the world and there is no way in hell I am staying in this shit hole. I was considering a college downtown but since i live in Chicago it doesn't seem far enough. I don't know what I should do. I don't know 100% of what i want to do career-wise but i feel like i can feed off of experience more than anything else. Dont worry i'm 100% sure im going to college but i dont know where to go and for what without wasting my money. I CAN'T go to community college I'll die!! i want new places with new people I want a fresh start. As for weight, I am remotivated for this new start new me. Well not all new just a healthier me! im ready to cook and workout and get my ass in shape! that's all for now! love you guys! :) p.s. Man named Rob, you're too nice! I was trying to find your blog but can't find! leave me your link if you see this !!

I'm back...to where i started

2010-03-18T20:22:00.000-07:00

i'm disgusted with myself. i simply don't know what to do anymore. you know when you get into that way of gaining and you just feel hopeless and all you do is gain some more? i hope that's not just me. ironically, biggest loser was the catalyst. i've been wanting to try out for that show since i was 14 and now i was turning 18 i thought for sure it was fate that i be on the show. So when i decided to try out i decided i better not lose weight. it was the dumbest thing i've ever done and now i'm paying for it. OF COURSE i didn't make the show, what was i thinking? I'm definitley one to day dream and think of "what if" and obviously, get caught up. What have i done to myself? I know there's nothing I can do but get up and start again but i am so not motivated. The worst thing you can do is feel as though you're not worth it and thought i know it's wrong I can't help but think it. All i can think of is how I am going to graduate and go TO PROM FAT. This blog was a complete failure. I didn't lose any pounds for prom. I'm not shopping for a dress and I'm definitley not going with a date. I just don't know what to do to get myself started again. I've done this so many times before it's not fair that we have to struggle with this time after time. I just want to be healthy and feel good. i can completely tell the difference I feel like crap. Eating the way I do makes me lazy, resulting in gaining weight and sending me into comforting myself in food and into this cycle. But when i signed on tonight on my blog and saw how people actually wanted to know how I was doing I was first ashamed. I was hoping you all thought I got rid of internet or something...but no. It's not the truth. I can't even remember the last time i was at weight watchers. Ugh this post is depressing and whiney i hate it. I don't know if I'll post it. I just need some support does anyone have any advice for me? anyone please help me :(

Inside and Out

2010-02-10T08:37:00.000-08:00

So a while back I learned at fat camp and of course from the Biggest Loser that if you're going to lose weight and fix the outside, you must also fix the inside. If you don't, you will go right back to your old ways. So I have decided to see a counselor. My first meeting with her was yesterday and I think I'm really going to like it. I was embarassed to go to one because we see counselors and therapists as for crazy people only. But after only an hour with her I felt so much better. I think it will be a good way to let my feelings out rather than eating my emotions. This morning my friend and I worked on our gym project because we waited until last minute and we made fiber one pancakes...so good! and only 3 points! but it is time for me to go back to class now :( but speaking of classes i went to one at the gym and it was awesome! I'm definitley going back to one maybe tonight!! :)

Liquid Ass

2010-02-07T18:55:00.000-08:00

Is the worst invention I have ever heard of. Make that ever have been a victim of. Basically today my friend's brother decided to spray me and her with this horrid thing. We literally smelled like poo I almost vomited. I couldn't believe who would invent such a thing let alone buy it. And let me tell you NO amount of febreeze takes away the smell. But it did help me not eat because i felt so sick. And as for pictures, I've decided to do biweekly instead to actually show progress. But i have been doing well and tomorrow ashley and I are going to a gym class where they will kick our asses!!!! How did everyone else do on superbowl? p.s. YAYAYAYAY for the Saints!

OH MY GOSH

2010-02-04T09:33:00.000-08:00

PLEASE FORGIVE ME. I cannot believe it has been a WEEK since I have posted!! Im serious I have been so busy I feel like I was on here yesterday! But so on tuesday i wasnt planning on going to my weight watcher meeting. I know it's horrible but i am in this club and competition is right around the corner and i had that on top of homework and everything and I needed the time! But i did make time for the gym. Well as i'm walking out of the gym I run into my weight watcher leader!!! I was like no damn way! She was like oh kelly!! how are you? youre coming tonight right? How could I say no! I couldn't! But i did feel pretty beast that she saw me coming back sweating from the gym :) so I ended up going and I'm glad I did. Even if I'm already motivated, the meetings get me more pumped I love them! Also, I'm home from school and I'm about to watch a movie from netflix (LOVEEE netflix). I was scanning through documentaries because I'm a nerd and I love them and I came across "Fat: What no one is telling you" And its obvious what its about but im about to watch it in a few minutes here and I hope it scares the bejeezus out of me as extra motivation! Also, I found an amazing secret I must share with all of you! We bought fat free plain yogurt (disgusting by itself!) but then we added some of the ranch seasoning mix into it and it tastes like thick creamy ranch dressing!! Its so good and its only 1 point for 1/3 of a cup yogurt with 1/2 tbsp mix! Thats more dressing than you know how to use! Well that's all for now Pictures later tonight! Love all of you again sorry I've been caught up still cant believe its been a week damn!

An Angel named Nana

2010-01-28T16:56:00.000-08:00

So I was feeling kind of junky the last week and though I bought new food and was getting hyped up I still needed another little push. Well My Nana is the cutest thing of life and today I opened the mail to find something for me! In it was this poem:

Don't Quit
When you've eaten too much and you can't write it down
and you feel like the biggest failure in town;
When you want to give up just because you gave in
And forget all about being healthy and thin;
So What! You went over your points a bit;
It's your next move that counts...So don't you quit!

It's a moment of truth, It's an attitude change;
It's learning the skills to get back in your range;
It's telling yourself "You've done great up till now;
You can take on this challenge and beat it somehow".
It's part of your journey toward reaching your goal;
You're still gonna make it, just stay in control.

To stumble and fall is not a disgrace
If you summon the will to get back in the race;
But, often the strugglers when losing their grip
Just throw in the towel and continue to slip
And learn too late when the damage is done
That the race wasn't over and they still could of won.

Life-style change can be akward and slow
But facing each challenge will help you to grow;
Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint in the cloud of doubt.
When you're pushing to the brink, just refuse to submit;
If you bite it you write it..But don't you quit!

It really made my day and remotivated me. And I plan on sharing it at my next Weight Watcher meeting! I love my Nana :)

And as promised, here are the pictures! I'm shocked I am posting these horrid images but this is how much I do for all of you!

But like the poem says, my next step is the one that counts.

Grocery Shopping!!

2010-01-28T12:15:00.000-08:00

So I missed cooking! So yesterday I forced my sister to go grocery shopping with me! I give props to my dad because it is hard to shop for a family of 6 plus friends! And we've only done it twice! But we got really healthy foods! So i'm excited to start cooking again, I was inspired by Tj from TJ's TEST KITCHEN!! Love her recipes! But I know its a week late but double week pictures tonight! woot woot! Sorry!! Also going to the gym tonight! I need to kick my ass :)

I'm sew excited!

2010-01-27T13:13:00.000-08:00

Punny! Sorry, puns amuse me. But basically I'm a sewer, it's my hobby. I have taken sewing in school every year except for this year because I go to a weird half college school now but I am going to go in to sew at the main campus now that I get out of class at 11 on tuesday and thursdays and no school Friday! So I really wanted to make some good stuff my senior year so I asked my friend if I could make a prom dress for her. She agreed and I'm so excited!! Plus, I'm going to enter the dress into a Joann's Contest where if I win, which is unlikely but might as well try, i win $50,000 for college! Which the Lord knows I need! But it's really making me think about Prom coming up I feel like it's around the corner :( But it's just motivating me more! :)

Blahhh

2010-01-26T15:30:00.000-08:00

Well as much as I don't want to go to weight watchers, I'm going. I used to do that-when I gained I wouldnt go and I told myself id lose it all plus more the next week. well a month later i was up weight and thats how i gained so much. so I am NOT doing that. I am going, weighing in, what happens happens, and then work hard for the next week. Gym tomorrow :)

Parties, Parties, and More Parties

2010-01-25T15:17:00.000-08:00

HEY!!! So this weekend has been nothing but parties. Saturday it was my twin grandma's birthdays and we had a party. And since the whole family was in for them, my cousins bridal shower was sunday. Then, tonight is a Kickoff party for Relay for Life which is a cancer event where you raise money and walk for cancer and stuff where we're walking for my Best Friend's mom. So I was anticipating a lot of temptation. but the food sucked at both parties!!! What is that! And i think it made it worse. Becuase ipicked at stuff i didnt really like. I honestly did not do very well this week and i'm really pissed because i'm expecting to gain tomorrow and i gained last week when i did amazing so it's really frustrating. But I can still revive myself at the kickoff party tonight, so wish me luck!! :)

THINNERVIEW!

2010-01-22T13:52:00.001-08:00

Ahhh!!! I got the results online.....DAMN I look so skinny I wish it was real! :(

A journey of a thousand miles

2010-01-21T18:41:00.000-08:00

begins with one step. I LOVE this quote. Today my mama went out for a day for herself after work and got a haircut and did a little shopping and such. Well of course being the amazing person she is she ended up picking up a gift for me!! When she told me that I couldn't think of anything she could possibly get. Then she went into the bag and brought out this amazing ring. It is sterling silver and it twists in the middle and engraved on it is this quote. She said she'd thought I'd like it referring to my weight loss journey. like...Like...LIKE?!?! I LOVED IT. I'm obsessed actually. I've been wanting for over a year now a ring with something engraved in it to remind me to do good with my weight loss. I did get the ring of my dreams for christmas but it isn't anything to do with my weight loss. This is exactly what I wanted and I'm so happy it will definitley help me! Also, I told you I sent a picture through Thinnerview. Well today the pictures came...DAMN! I am skinny! I couldn't believe it!! But my scanner isnt working and OF COURSE we have no camera...whats the deal with no cameras on thursday, "progress picture day thursday" I swear, Can't win! But I am doing well went to the gym today and I am getting a battery charger for my professional camera tomorrow hopefully so Pictures then, and also I will probably be putting up some of my photography progressively because it is fun!! :)

Good is bad today

2010-01-19T18:58:00.000-08:00

So i have done phenominal this week. i tracked every day, i cooked, i worked out, i did everything. But today at the weigh in i gained .8 :( I didnt understand and immediatley got upset. But then i talked to my friend Joe and he was saying how he gained too because he made the mistake of eating soup. DAMNIT!! I had soup for lunch. I thought, well its healthy and will keep me full. Well it was holding onto all my water because of the dang sodium! Plus, my leader was telling me that if i want to work out legit, it's amazing but i will be fighting the scale with muscle and such. So i just need to remember that i felt amazing before 6:20 and i just need to do the same this week and it will show on the scale next Tuesday. Ahhhh I was just really excited and i love the numbers but i definitley feel good :)

iEjercicio!

2010-01-18T19:29:00.000-08:00

That's spanish for Exercise! Lately Ashley and I have been beasts about working out- we went twice today! The first time we did strength training and then we went back for cardio later! We felt so empowered! And we have this new "tradition" where after we work out we go home and have a full on fresh fruit smoothie to reward ourselves! Its refreshing, healthy, and something to look forward to! Also, the eating has been good and I'm just feeling great. Can't wait until tomorrows weight in!!! That's all for now :)

Today's a new day :)

2010-01-15T21:11:00.000-08:00

So yesterday was crap. But thanks to all of you I decided to make today good! I went to the gym for over an hour and ate with the guidelines !! Stayed in my points and tracked woot! Well today I set a post-prom goal. My friend from fat camp has been begging me to come visit her for like 2 years! Well, I decided why not? just go! it wil be amazing and it will be a bit expensive but think of it as a senior trip! Well, she lives in Australia!! I want to go so bad! I've been talking to my mama about it and I'm trying to get her to go halvsies with me on the plane ticket! It's damn expensive to fly! And while it is a 30 hour plane ride I want to go so bad! I miss her and hello, it's Aussie! So one of my new goals is to be looking like a show stopper by August for when I go. It would be amazing and I want to make the most of it! Plus, i have to say that i found this site called Thinnerview.com through Whitney and it's so cool! you basically send in a picture of you and they virtually slim you down for motivation. It's a bit expensive but I'm thinking it's worth it! i'm just waiting for it to be done!! Yay! Now i'm trying to read up on the amazing blogs out there ! How was everyone's day? :)

Venting Time

2010-01-14T19:33:00.000-08:00

Today really sucked. It was just one of those days. I had to wake up 2 hours early because I had a lot to do before I went to school. Well, i was happy because I did it all and felt so productive. But when I got to school I was informed that I had missed my first period class that i didn't know i had because it's the weird semester change. So I had to explain to my teacher why I wasn't there. Then, I suddenly started thinking of Jackie and decided I was just going to talk to the stupid counselor and get over with it because I knew if I talked about it I'd feel better afterwards. Well I try to get to the counselor when the Dean finds me and tells me that everything with my payments for my college classes are all messed up so that was annoying. So finally I get to talk to the counselor. Well let me tell you it was really akward I've only talked to her like twice. But we basically sat in a room with tons of damn windows while I sobbed and i could see everyone staring at me! Of course this was during gym so I was missing it when i had intended on being out of her office by the end of the passing period. Well after like 25 minutes I calmed down enough to go to my car to get my gym clothes when I broke down in my car for another 20 minutes. So then I finally get to gym class where we're doing this psycho thing and i just don't have the energy for it. After gym I went to government where i had a HUGEE migraine from crying my stupid brains out. Which, apparently I don't have a brain because my teacher told me that the test i studied 3 days straight for like 2 hours each day I got a D on. Then, we had to take a quiz on something I wasn't there for so i probably failed that too. Then I went home where i felt so sick but had made plans to hang out with my friend Ashley and this guy Jim that we grew up with but havent seen in years so it was like a reunion. Well, Ash invited this other girl who didnt even really know Jim but was in our neighborhood and don't get me wrong, i love her but of course her and Ash were so obnoxious the whole time and i felt like I was left to have to entertain Jim which of course I felt so insecure about the whole time wondering what he thought of me after all these years, I mean i'm still fat! And I just felt like i said random stuff that didnt make any sense and he thinks i'm a total crack ass. So that sucked ass. Then Ashley had to be home at 9 so we had to end it early and had the akward goodbye and then I went home thinking that I wish I had not been such a douche bag! And of course I talked to my best friend Jazzy but I can't hang out with her because she left for California today so I'm at home alone at 9 on a Weekend! I ate some things I shouldn't have, not too bad but off track and of course I did't work out in gym so I feel twice as bad!! ughhh :(

And then of course i go to take the weekly picture and i feel like i look bigger. really?!

this has been a bad day. thank you for letting me vent. I'm usually a positive person but I have to let the negative out so I don't hold on to it. Thanks for listening :)

Berry Good Day!

2010-01-13T20:43:00.000-08:00

wow, i'm so punny! Well today i had an AMAZING day!! I had the most amazing meals that i cooked myself and impressed myself! I just tryed new things I just threw stuff together and I was like DANGGGG I'm the next Emeril!! I also documented it for all of you...okay it was really for myself but it was fun :)

For breakfast, I made the fiber one pancakes. I've made these a few times but today I was like hmm, let's add some fresh blueberries! then I decided why stop there, why not get a little crazy?! so i added slices of bananas...let me tell you, i did not need syrup. they were soooo good. But it was a little hard to cook the batter so they didn't turn out pretty, but they did turn out tastey :) Here's some pictures!!

Here they are cooking!

Cooked!

A delicious bite...don't mind the random pill!

For a snack I had yogurt and fresh blackberries. Which is already amazing, but it wasn't just any yogurt...it was BANANA yogurt! I LOVEEE bananas and i don't know why i have never seen or thought about banana yogurt, it is the best thing of life! AH! It tastes almost like a custard, i just about died!

uhhh...amazing!!

And then after school my friends and I went and got manicures because my best friend Jazz is going to Cali tomorrow! Well afterwards my friend Lindsey and i hung out at my house. Well, me and Lindsey haven't seen eachother in a while so we were just talking and catching up and I had the sudden urge to cook. I was going to have a Lean Cuisine but I was like can i cook for you? and of course she said yes! It literally took me an hour but it was fun! I made wheat pasta with sauteed veggies and Fat Free mozzarella. It took so long to chop all the veggies and get the onion and bell pepper just right, but it was amazing! And the thing I don't like about wheat pasta is it has the really starchy after taste that i don't like. Well I randomly decided to cook it with vegetable boullion water instead and it was amazing!! The pasta soaked all the juice up, i didn't even have to drain anything and it gave it amazing flavor and it was almost creamy. Ah it was so good! my friend was impressed and then Jazz came over and made me make it for her all over again!

chopping the vegetables!

Final product :)

Then, Ashley and I (work out buddy!) Went to the gym at 9! it was amazing and then i came home and saw the amazing comments from my followers :) Ah life is good today!

I'm honored

2010-01-13T10:15:00.000-08:00

to have won a beautiful blogger award! I had no idea what it was but i'll take a try at it!

So i gues i'm supposed to write 7 things about myself. Well, that kind of annoys me because:

1.I have some weird pet peeves. First, I loathe odd numbers. They aren't even!! It's annoying it's like they are incomplete or something. I have a weird thing where I count everything. how many steps i take and they have to even on each foot or else i have to pretend to trip, and double up on one. yes, i know i think i have OCD or something. I also count all the letters in a word and try to make an even pattern in my head...wow i'm going to stop talking before i lose all my followers! Well another peeve is DVDs. I mean really, whats the point of upping the technology? VHS's were where it was at! You could buy them for cheaper, and let them bang around your house for 10 years, and guess what...they would NEVER skip. ugh i hate dvds! My last and biggest peeve i will share with you is cracking bones. it just makes me sick i dont know why. People think i'm weird but they know not to do it around me :)

2. My favorite thing to do in the whole world would probably be to drive around belting out to music with my friends. For some reason, it's just amazing! My favorite is when you can roll down the window and your hair is flowing like a movie! woo! But with gas prices...that activity has become quite expensive!

3. My favorite time of the year is Fall. I LOVEEEE it. I love the breeze and the way the air smells. I also love the beautiful scenery with the leaves changing colors and the crunch of the leaves crushing under your shoes. I LOVE going on walks in the fall :)

4. I live in the past, it's actually quite unhealthy. I always think "what if" or "did i do this right". I really can't let anything go. That's why I'm going so crazy with Jackie.Last time we were supposed to hang out i called her and she was at work. Then I got a message from her asking if i wanted to hang out after she got off. Well i already made plans and said no. I wish I had hung out with her. And i know it's not like i knew, but i'm just one of those that live in the past and i hate it.

5. Ironically, I think about the future A LOT. I over analyze everything so planning college is ridiculous. I change my mind about everything not becuase I don't know what I want, but because there are so many factors to everything. Like well i want to go away for college because i want to experience things in life. Or should i stay home for college and be with my family? I don't know! Should i do what i love and be a photographer, or do what i love second and make money? sajfkals It's crazy! I cant wait until im like 200 years old and i just get to be the wise grandma.

6. Out of all the things I hate about my body, which is alot, the most i'm pissed about is my hair. I mean yes, i understand, I'm fat but really?! i couldn't even have some damn hair?! I swear I'm like a serial killer reincarnated and I'm being punished in this life! My hair is literally so thin you can see through it. That's why i dyed it dark it helps a little. But i can't have long hair which makes me feel a little prettier because it gets long and stringy. I cant curl it because i will literally have 5 curls and scalp. GAH! it makes me so mad. I hate girls that have amazing hair and take it for granted.and OF COURSE everyone in my family has good hair but me! :(

7. Hmmm, number 7. The final (odd) one. What can i tell you in a couple sentences about myself? Well the one thing i'm looking for in life is pure happiness. I know, everyone else is too. But i mean that's truly my one goal. I want to travel around the world and see people and cultures. There's so much outside of this bubble America. Kids starving and people that live in villages and we take it for granted every day. I just want to live my life with no regrets. But to start it, yes i have to lose weight. And i hate that everything i do comes back to my weight. So i want to lose it so my weight no longer defines me. Instead, I just want to be able to be myself and it be enough. I know we've all been there. When we walk into a grocery store and swear we can hear rude remarks. I just want to be done being paranoid and live :)

Now, I have to award 7 others! Yay! Well i recieved this from the amazing Diana and I would truly want to put her on her but i dont know if thats allowed seeing she gave it to me...she says she doesnt like awards so i wont make her do it again but know diana you would be on there! actually, you would all be on there but this is at random! you're all amazing!! :)

AP!

hahaha this is almost in perfect alphabetical! creeeeeeepy !

Weigh in Wonders :)

2010-01-12T18:36:00.000-08:00

So today was weigh in at weight watchers! I wasnt planning on posting how much i lost every week up here but with the amazing support i've been getting I have to share! With the death of my friend and everything this week I didn't think I was going to do very well. But ironically, she's what pushed me to do amazing this week by teaching me life is too short. So I went grocery shopping and got a work out buddy as you all know and it definitley showed on the scale! I lost 1.2 pounds!! I'm so excited i can't wait for next week :)

Hey shawty, it's my birthday

2010-01-12T08:50:00.000-08:00

And i'm going to party like it's my birthday! In weight watchers my leader Tracy, which sorry, sidetrack moment, is my legit hero. She is so amazing it's unreal. She is hilarious and everytime i go to a meeting i burn so many calories laughing! She's the best so she trains people alll the time and it's so funny because usually her trainees suck. But i guess it's becuase we're comparing them to Tracy, who is not comparable! But anyway...oh yes Tracy always tells us to make mini goals. So I'm making a mini goal! My 18th birthday is coming up on March 28th!! It's a bitter sweet feeling. I'm excited to "be and adult" and finally have all these privilages like being able to hold a damn puppy at the pet store without my mom! And on the other hand I hate birthdays because every year I make a plan to be smaller by it, but never happens. WELL THIS IS THE YEAR BABY! On this woman Allison's blog I saw she wanted to lose 36 pounds by her 36th birthday. Well i love that goal it's fun and amazing! So I decided I want to lose 18 pounds by my 18th birthday. I think that's pretty doable! So this year when it's my birthday I will feel good about the attention being on me :)

The Buddy system is back :)

2010-01-11T14:00:00.000-08:00

So my friend Hailey was going to the gym with me a couple times and it was so much fun. It's easier to work out with someone than by yourself. But we haven't gone together in over a month. But now my best friend Ashley is joining my gym! Her mom has been saying for years they will join, but they never have. Well now she finally did! The thing about Ash is she is really tiny, but she is the mentally fattest person I know. Exercise is NOT her thing; she walks a step and can't breathe. Well this summer she's going to Africa to help out there and she wants to get in shape and obviously, Ive been going to the gym so it's amazing she's joining! We're going together in about 20 minutes I'm excited!! We're making a weekly schedule and everything! She will be a good motivation and make it fun :) and yesterday my sister and I went grocery shopping and we stocked the house with healthy foods. We got everything from wheat tortillas to fresh blackberries! So that's making the eating easier. Everything is going good! Weigh in tomorrow! WOOT!

Take me back

2010-01-10T15:00:00.000-08:00

In the summer of 2008 my sister and I went to a fat camp. We were probably the only kids there that begged our parents rather than being forced to go there. We asked and asked and we really didn't think we were going to get to go because it was really expensive. But our parents surprised us about a month and a half before it started and we were SOOO HAPPY. We were ready to lose weight and had done weight watchers but needed that extra help. Before I went to the camp I lost 20 pounds. Let me tell you, this camp was the best experience of my entire life. Like the blogging community, it just makes it easier when you have people around you struggling with the same things and the support was amazing. I made amazing friends there and some I still talk to. But my motivation at that camp was ridiculous, my whole spirit was a different person. We worked out all the time and ate so well, and everyone accepted you for who you were. There was no judging and it just made an amazing atmosphere where you just felt amazing. Well at camp I lost 22 pounds in 6 weeks and gained amazing friends and i was in so much better shape! But the thing is that when my sister and I got home, we felt like we didn't get real food for so long so we treated ourselves. Then, we didn't know how to get back into things. The problem with the camp is that they show you how to portion, which is amazing, but they don't really give you all healthy foods. Like we'd have fries and pizza, but portioned. I think we should have been eating healthier portioned things but It did teach me about portions and I went back to weight watchers when I got home. I'm so embarassed to say that i have gained ALL the weight back, even a little more. It just makes me feel so disgusting and horrible. It scares me because I felt so good after losing the weight and all it took was a little hard times in my family and friends to get me back to emotional eating. But this time I know you have to fix the inside too. But the point of this post is I found all the pictures from camp yesterday when I was cleaning my room and they really got me back to thinking like I did at camp. And I just think, remember how you felt at camp? get that fire back. So I'm posting some pictures from camp for a little extra motivation for myself! (they are HORRIBLE quality because i had to take pictures of the prints and my camera sucks)

Oh, and every year they have a guest. Well the year I went they had all the biggest losers from the season where Ali won!! she is SO nice and I loved Bernie he was there too! We ran together! And Jen actually worked there! But we got to meet and take pictures with them all but Ali and Bernie were my favorite :)

:) I have all these posted around my room for motivation!

Day with Ash :)

2010-01-10T12:19:00.000-08:00

So my best friend Ashley LOVESSSSSS her food. And I love her cleaning :) So whenever my room gets to a point where you can't get in anymore, i call her. She comes over to help me clean and I feed her. Well yesterday I made her fake chicken parmesan and wheat linguini pasta. I'm a vegetarian so I eat meat substitute and veggie patties a lot. Well when she comes over she always wants some and I tell her to back off. So she wanted me to make her something with them. I took an italian seasoned "chick'n" patty and baked it with tomato sauce and fat free mozarella cheese. Then served it with the wheat pasta-SO GOOD! It was amazing! and it was like 7 points and filling to a point where we didn't finish...and that's saying a lot for us. But I didn't stop there, I had to make dessert too! (my room was bad...it took us 6 hours...and we found a dead mouse in a STANDING UP waterbottle...i don't know how it's possible either) So anyway, I made this for dessert- It was 1/2 cup light chocolate ice cream-they didn't have froyo :( but i topped it with a heated up raspberry jam sauce-2 tbsp. and then fresh blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, and black berries- SOO GOOOOOD! And only 4 points!! I have a picture for you here:

I was so proud! It was delicious!

I also added a picture of the 5 point banana pancakes I made to the Accountability post! So check that out!

My Blog Mama

2010-01-09T17:09:00.000-08:00

So as I've said about 23949234 times, support is what really keeps me going. When you know you're not alone, it makes things seem less impossible. And I just have to give a quick shout out to this woman Diana. Randomly, she took it upon herself to let the word out about my blog. I couldn't believe it! And she was one of my first followers and she comments the most amazing advice- she's basically my blog mama! So I just want to say to you Diana, thank you so much it means more to me than you'll ever know! Thanks for your support and I'm here to support you on this journey we'll all struggling with but also let you know, your success is inspiring me <3

Hatin' on the Healthy

2010-01-09T07:43:00.000-08:00

I HATEEEEEEE it when people take it upon themselves to voice their opinion about you trying to eat healthy. My Dad is the biggest annoyance. I try to go to the grocery store with him and pick out the whole grain products and all that good stuff. And he always says "Kelly, i'm not buying that crap. it costs twice as much and you're just going to go eat something else unhealthy anyway". WOWWWWWWWWWW you're so lucky you're my dad or you'd be knocked out. I HATE it when he tells me that. Wow dad! thanks for being so supportive! NOT. It's really discouraging and annoying. Or when someone goes " EW what is that? it looks like (fill in the blank with the most disturbing things you can think of). Oh! yes! now I definitley don't miss the real version! What the heck I'm trying to be good! Gahh! And then there are the people that tell me "oh you shouldn't eat that because even though it's low in calories and it's just about the most perfect snack you could have, it is filled with chemicals and that's what makes it so low in calories. And of course i'm not going to want to eat it now! You can't win! So then i'm stuck with grapes or something which, don't get me wrong, i LOVE grapes...but so does everyone else. So you take the time to count out every single grape that you hand pick out of the bag because you only get so many for your points. Only to get so excited about them and get to class and have some grabby hands begging for them. yeah right back off! i counted these! After a while, i started counting extra ones to give away. UGHHH Am I alone in this?!

Week 4

2010-01-08T20:26:00.000-08:00

Life is too short

2010-01-08T10:07:00.000-08:00

today I woke up to the news that one of my friends, Jackie, died. The last time i talked to her we made plans to hang out. Whenever I couldn't sleep she was usually the one I texted because she was ALWAYS up. A year ago I wasnt friends with her. i'd even go as far to say i didnt like her. But this year we had classes together and we became friends. She sits right behind me in consumer class and we talk all the time. On monday the class is going to the computer lab to work on our lifesmart projects. It is basically a project that we plan out our future with finances and stuff. Every time we go to the computer lab it's always my friend kelly sitting on one side of me and jackie on the other. I cant imagine going in on monday and not having jackie sit by me. I dont want to imagine it but i have to. because it's going to be real soon. And it's crazy because we would always talk about our futures and college plans. And now she's gone. 4 months before we graduate high school. I just can't believe how life goes sometimes. She was an amazing person. She wanted to be a nurse and help people. And though i cant believe we'll never walk together or talk in the parking lot, i can learn from her. Life comes and goes and though it's cliche you have to live life like its your last day. because it really could be. and I need to live like that and stop killing myself with unhealthy ways. I have to do it for jackie and more importantly, i have to do it for myself.
Rest in peace jackie, i love you and miss you. But I know you are in a better place <3

Shopping

2010-01-07T19:20:00.000-08:00

really sucks when you're fat. Today I went shopping with my best friends and it was really really fun. I helped them pick out clothes and honestly, that is one of my favorite things to do. I've always been fat so when my friends and i would go to the mall they would all want to shop and buy cute clothes. But I was ALWAYS the one in the fitting room, holding stuff, and giving opinions. After a while i became really good at it and people would ask me to help them! And i love fashion so when I help someone with clothes I get really excited because I can't wear what I want, so I basically live through them! I love helping people find just the right things and I'm always honest about how it looks. But while i love dressing other people, once in a while it makes me feel really really bad about myself. I want to be the one trying on clothes I love and it actually fitting and being confident enough to even crack the dressing room door let alone ask someone's opinion! Today was so fun but it made me kind of depressed. People have been telling me it's great that i'm losing the weight while i'm young. and its true, i need to make the changes now. But i feel like while i am young, i am turning 18 in 3 months. My childhood and teen years are basically gone and this is the time to hang out at the mall and pick cute clothes and just basically be young. I just feel like i've wasted so much time. So this is another set of goals:
1. To go shopping with friends and try on clothes and ask opinions! And of course have it fit!
2. Be able to borrow clothes from friends.
I hate when you end up going to someone's house and it rained, or you spilled something, or you are spontaniously sleeping over. Because they always say "you can borrow something". I mean, OF COURSE I would want to borrow something, but the pair of pants you just handed me will hardly cover my ankle! And then they do that "oh no, i have a really big t-shirt and sweatpants". Hmm...that's funny...i didn't know size medium was the new really big. I hate it so much and i get self conscious about it and have to go all the way back to my house and spend an hour finding an outfit to sleep in that looks semi-okay. I just want to be able to wear what I want! But all in all, my day was really good. I got to see my amazing friends, they bought amazing things, I ate good, and gym class KICKED MY ASS. I'm going to feel it tomorrow but it's worth it!!
**I was planning on posting the weekly picture, but of course it was the one day my mom took the camera to work and forgot it and the webcam comes up like crap. So they will be posted tomorrow!!

Support

2010-01-06T21:02:00.000-08:00

is so important. I know i say this all the time but it's true! i'm trying to lose weight. it's a fact. anyone looking at me can tell you i should. so really, its not secret. But in middle school i was too embarassed to even bring a can of diet soda to lunch after a girl asked me if i was on a diet since i was drinking it. I always tried to hide it. But the thing is, now doing weight watchers, it's not a diet. It truly is a lifestyle change. And i shouldn't have to hide the fact that i want to be healthy. All my friends know that I'm trying to lose weight and they all support me. Especially my best friend Jazz. I honestly don't know what I would do without her. She's my backbone! She is always supporting me and inspiring me throughout everything. And I feel like without support like hers i would never succeed. And not that i really have any position to give advice, but i'm giving it anyway to make myself feel wise! But seriously, if you want to be successful with your weight loss journey, you can't be alone for the ride. If you are, you are setting yourself up for failure. Bring others along and let them help you because it will be your key to success :)

I haven't felt this good...well ever

2010-01-05T20:07:00.000-08:00

I feel so good it's unreal. I remember going on my first diet in 2nd grade. 2ND GRADE. it's ridiculous. you'd think by now i'd be skinny after living for so long unhappy. But yet here i am. However, i feel like it is because i havent been truly ready to lose the weight. i've always tried to lose weight because i felt that was what i needed to be happy. But in reality i was doing it to make others happy. "oh if i go to fat camp and come back skinny i'll get a boyfriend." or "oh if i lose the weight my parents will be proud of me". But what about ME? I mean, it is MY body. I need to lose the weight for myself or i will never keep it off. I'm not even 18 yet! I have to start fresh before my years are gone! And i feel i am finally ready. And I feel that there's a reason i decided to make a blog and found blog to lose. And i'm so grateful for people following me and talking to me because it's nice to know you're not alone. I've been eating right, even cooking. I've been going to the gym every day and it just makes me feel so good. When i wasn't doing good i just felt gross all the time. I can see jeans in my near future i'm so ready to start wearing them again! And i'm waiting for my college letters I hope i get accepted. If i do, it will be one more thing pushing me. I'M SO MOTIVATED :)

Wake up call

2010-01-01T18:12:00.000-08:00

So yesterday was the New Years Party. And EVERY year I say "This is my year. This is the year I will get it together and finally lose the weight and take my life back and live it to the fullest." Sadly, that is still my resolution. But this year I added to have as much fun as possible by doing everything I want to do without letting my weight hold me back. My ultimate New Years resolution is that next new years, I won't have any regrets. I am honestly so ready to commit full on. I did so good with eating at the party!! I was so proud! But what really hit me was a show that I am actually watching right now. I don't know what it's called but it's on TLC and it really woke me up. It's about this woman who weighed more than 800 lbs and she wanted to get bipass surgery. She was doing well and suddenly just died. Her weight KILLED her. And I thought to myself, "How can someone let themselves get to that point?" But then I realized that it just happens when you live that unhealthy of a lifestyle. And the scariest part is, I'm on that path. Some day, that woman could be ME. And I refuse to let that happen. This really hit me hard and the woman had originally wanted to tape her jouney to help others realize they need to seek help and fix their weight to live their lives. And I feel like it was a sign from God and this woman Renee. This is my year, and next year my resolution will be to MAINTAIN the weight I've lost and just live my life. I'm ready to start loving myself and life.

Accountability

2009-12-30T21:49:00.000-08:00

The main reason I decided to make a weight loss blog was for the accountability. As we say in Weight Watchers, "You bite it you write it. You drink it you ink it." If you know you have to write down what you're putting in your mouth you'll think twice about it. If it's something you feel bad about writing down, chances are you shouldn't be eating it!! It's okay to eat our favorite foods once in a while but we have to PORTION them; that's the secret! Today I feel AMAZING! I woke up and went to the gym for over an hour and it was exhilarating! However, this one girl there did piss me off. She was so skinny her legs were like rods. At first I was like "WOWWWWW bitch. you're so skinny i'm jealous." But then I was like "eh, at least shes TOO skinny. like she's probably so weak!" yeah... Then I was on the leg press. There are 2 leg presses side by side and each one works either the inside or outside of the thigh. So I go on the one that works the outside and I do 85 pounds. I'm feeling all strong and cool. Getting into it feeling pumped. Then I go to the other machine. Well, this girl goes onto the one I was just on and out of the corner of my eye I see her move the stick for the weights. I'm thinking "hell yeah...she's so weak I'm so strong!" So I look over and I had to do a double take...this psycho was doing 145 pounds!!!!!!!!!! I was like "WHAT!!!!!!!!" i couldn't believe it. I was waiting for her chicken legs to snap! But as much as it sucked to see that she was strong and tiny as hell, it motivated me to work out harder! Sorry for the random story...had to share! :) Hmm...where was I going with this. Oh! My day! So yes, after the gym I went home and made myself 2 small fiber one pancakes with half a banana, 1/4 cup sugarfree syrup, reddi whip, and nutmeg...all for 5 weight watcher points!!!! It was so good! Here's a picture!

And for dinner I ended up having 2 oz of pasta but i cooked it in vegetable boullion so i didn't need a sauce. Then halfway through I decided to add some onion to the water. Well, the onion turned out perfect and I ended up with a 4 point gourmet romen noodle!! I had a salad with it too! So I had a really good day. And for dessert I had Zac Efron for zero points!! Well, I wish but I did watch 17 again and it motivated me to be skinny even more haha. Well, that's all for now!

^Now THAT'S some motivation!

GYM!!

2009-12-30T09:08:00.000-08:00

So I have been in this HORRIBLE sleep pattern where I go to bed a like 3 am and won't wake up until 1 in the afternoon! So today even though I went to bed at 3:30, I broke the pattern! I got up and I was going to go to the gym! However, I cannot find a sports bra to save my life! I do have an Aerie's gift card, and I think I'm going there to get one! (too bad my car has no gas!) I should walk there! I'd burn so many calories! But specific workout clothes are good to have for exercise becuase 1. they are MADE for the job! and 2. you'll feel so sporty in them you'll want to hit the gym! But Aerie has GREAT stuff at affordable prices and they have sizes from like XS-XXL! And its all so cute!
Here's some stuff I want and the website you can checkout to see what you like!

Adorable, and so comfortable!

Click here to shop yourself!

Week 2 and 3 (sorry!)

2009-12-29T19:54:00.001-08:00

Today, I was remotivated all over again. Tracy asked "what do you want from your weightloss. Why do you want to lose weight?" And she wanted us to think about what motivates us. Well, my first reaction was of course, I want to look good. I want to like myself. Then it went to smaller things like I want to find a prom dress without crying in the dressing room and feeling like crap. I want to wear a pair of jeans. I want to shop! But then I realized what I really want. I want a boyfriend, someone to love me. I want to one day have children and I just want to be happy. And when there is food around I need to think: Does this one moment taste better than happiness? Is this one moment of food more important than all the other moments of life? NO. In fact, I'm single-handedly killing myself. I'm commiting suicide! Being overweight brings upon horrible health risks and it makes me self conscious to not want to LIVE my life. I'm so ready to go full speed on getting my life back! Anyway, here's the pictures!

Update! Merry Christmas!

2009-12-28T12:58:00.000-08:00

I know i've been slacking I've been ridiculously busy. So much stuff going on. But I need to make sure I can take the time for my weight!!!! That's something really important. Well we've had the enemy this week, Christmas! But I have some tips that helped me through it, most are from my HERO tracy!!

1. Eat before you leave. It may seem wasteful to eat before you go to a party with a ton of food, but it will pay off. If you go to the party hungry it’s like going unarmed. You’re most likely going to end up eating something you’ll regret. Eat before to curve your appetite and hold you to dinner.

2. Bring a dish you know you can eat. The problem with trying to eat well at a party is sometimes there are no healthy options. But you can always bring something you know you can eat! You can find great recipes online, especially WeightWatchers.com!

3. Wear tight clothing. If you wear something that is a little tighter, you won’t want to go hog wild. The feeling of being bloated will feel so unbelievable uncomfortable. On the other hand, if you wear your old maternity pants for some breathing room, you will most likely fill that room!

4. Clean, don’t prepare. If grandma asks you to help cook in the kitchen politely decline and offer your hands for clean up instead. When you are cooking, you are constantly picking at the food. On the other hand, when you’re cleaning you’re scraping the unwanted leftovers into the trash!

5. Socialize. This is a party! It’s not the food you get to see once a year it’s your family that came out all the way from across the country! Instead of snacking on small appetizers talk to people! Your challenge is to find out something new about each person. Not only will socializing take your mind off the food, but it will also give you a chance to catch up with everyone!

6. Balance. When it comes time to dig into the feast, choose wisely about what you’re putting on your plate. Don’t deprive yourself but don’t take everything. Fill your plate with salad, veggies, and lighter things. Then, pick one or two things you love the most and put just a dollop on your plate! They say you only taste the first three bites anyway!

7. Don’t let your food touch. When you’re putting your food on your plate, keep in mind to not let anything touch. Studies have shown that when you don’t let your food touch, you eat less. This is because instead of looking at your plate and seeing a huge heap of food, you see each thing individually and focus on what you’re eating to get full satisfaction without overeating.

8. Drink water constantly. Drinking water after every few bites will clear you pallet so you can fully taste every bite. Also, water will help fill you up! After you’ve finished your plate, drink a glass of water and sit for about 15 minutes. If you’re still hungry definitely go back and get some veggies or lean mean. This way you’re not fully hungry when the dessert plate comes out.

9. Watch the alcohol. For those of you who are of age, alcohol is the number one enemy! Alcohol can have a lot of calories and after so many of them; you don’t even realize what you’re eating! This is double bad news!! So do yourself a favor and have just one drink (it is a party!!).

10. Dessert. Like I said before, don’t deprive yourself. But, don’t go crazy either. When dessert comes out you can have one of your favorite cookies or whichever is your favorite. But only have one; proportion is key. You could also have a special healthier dessert that you have waiting at your house. That way, you won’t need the other desserts because you have something to look forward to!

Hope these help you!! pictures coming! :)

Just so you know, these tips are good for ANY party or get-together, not just Christmas!

Week 1

2009-12-10T18:39:00.000-08:00

Hey guys! The shirt came in the mail today which is perfect!! Except i took new pictures for this week and though i have lost some weight (i'm not telling you how much until later!) i feel like i look BIGGER this picture!! i look like a giant starburst!! But heres the picture! i've gone to the gym every day this week! i'm so happy! wow. the funny thing about this blog is i have no followers. I'm the only one who reads this but that's okay. here's the picture for all you imaginary people:

Buddy System!

2009-12-07T21:40:00.000-08:00

I have been going to the gym with my friend Hailey!!! It's so motivating to have her there with me. I barley notice I'm working out when we're just talking and hanging out! Also, today on the elliptical i stayed on longer than the workout term because I was so intrigued in a "Friends" episode! I find it so much easier to stay on the whole time (and more apparently!) while being distracted with my gym's t.v. Plus you don't feel bad for watching t.v. because you're being active! I also have been eating healthy, delicious food! I find it so much more satisfying to have a salad before my dinner. It's healthy and fills me a little before so I don't dive into the meal. So these are the latest tips: Bring a friend to workout, it's actually fun! And try to distract yourself from what you're doing so you don't give up easy and you can go longer if you're subconciously doing it! Lastly, portion control is key. The trick with it is to make sure you taste every bite so you are left satisfied and don't need any more.
That's all for now! Picture coming this Thursday!

Breakfast

2009-12-05T10:07:00.001-08:00

is the most important meal of life. Yeah yeah everyone knows that. But seriously! It is the fuel that starts off your day and metabolism! Faster metabolism=burning more fat=burning more calories=lose more weight=what we want!!! But when you're going to work out in the morning, you shouldn't have your full breakfast before you go. You should have something small like some nuts or yogurt to give you some energy but wait to have the oatmeal or whatever until after. If you eat a filling meal before you go work out, you will get cramps and will feel sick and it will ruin your effort to exercise and you could get discouraged (trust me!). Plus, if you work out and then go to eat breakfast, it will curve your appetite and you won't go off track. Try to have something with protein in it. Not only for energy but after you work out, your muscles are tearing and trying to rebuild, that's how you get bigger muscles (according to what i hear, i'm not an expert!). But when you eat protein while your muscles are still warm you're much more likely to hold on to the muscle and the work you just did! That's why body builders are protein-addicts!! Personally, I'm vegetarian so it's harder for me to get protein but one breakfast I find amazing is a piece of whole grain toast with like a tablespoon of peanut butter and half a banana sliced on top. It's amazing!! Okay, that's all for now!

Breadsticks

2009-12-04T23:05:00.000-08:00

from Olive Garden are the enemy!! Today I went to a restaurant with a school club and usually I LOVE the breadsticks but today I did not touch one!! Usually, they say don't deprive yourself but I knew I couldn't have just one so I didn't have any. I got the minestrone soup and it was super filling! I also got the salad and while I did have a bite of my friend's pasta, I did amazing compared to usual. And I drank a lot of water! Usually I would probably get a light pasta, but I would fill up on soup and breadsticks and then eat like all the pasta at home later. I felt so much better today and it was so much cheaper! Plus I was more engaged in the conversation than what was on my plate!

Usual Meal: 3 breadsticks, bowl of minestrone soup, capellini pomodoro pasta- 1390 calories!!
Revised meal (super filling and didn't feel sick or guilty afterwards!): bowl and a half of minestrone, salad, bite of pasta (bite estimated)- approx. 600 calories!! That's less than half!

Tip: If you're going out to eat, go online and check out what you would want to order and check the nutrition facts. Most places have them posted online. Trust me, if you see that something is a ton of calories, you won't want to get it. And you can find a healthier choice! The key is to be PREPARED!

THIS IS THE LAST TIME

2009-12-03T19:47:00.000-08:00

I will look like this! I am horrified! As promised, I am punishing you with these photographs. But They will really help to show my progress. Okay, if you dare...:

Exercise!

2009-12-03T15:19:00.000-08:00

I'm going to the gym tonight! I used to go religiously but haven't been in a while. I did Jillian Michael's SHRED video and let me tell you, that will KICK your ass! But haven't done that in a while either. So I'm glad I'm actually going because the hardest part of working out is getting started. Once you're there, in the zone, motivation materializes and it's so much easier. It's easier to go with a friend but sadly no one is available that belongs. But my new motivation is Prom! Also, the first BEFORE picture is coming very soon, maybe tonight. The shirt will take like a week and I dont have time! Hopefully I won't look the same in a week!! Sidenote: Another goal during this process is to wear a pair of jeans. Because of my weight I have not worn a pair of jeans in over 6 months...I feel gross. So I'm excited to get back into them!!!

If you want to try the 30 day shred from Jillian Michaels, I would recommend it. It's amazing and it's only 20 minutes long so it's easier to finish and convenient. You can get it on Amazon.com for as low as 5 dollars!! (and if you're wondering why I know so much about this crap, but I'm doing a weight loss blog: I've done this MANY times. The only difference is this is the last time. This time i'm actually going to lose the weight. Then maintain it. But I really want Hailey to do it with me!!)

Delay!

2009-12-03T08:54:00.000-08:00

I want to put up a picture of me now, and then each week take a picture. However, I find it most effective to be wearing the same shirt or outfit everyweek (like on biggest loser!) so I'm trying to order a t-shirt! But it's going to take a day or so. But it is coming!!! Yesterday was day 1 of my goal and it went really well. However, I am feeling really sick so I haven't worked out but I will be doing that!!! Exercise is vital! Pictures coming soon!

Purpose

2009-12-01T21:30:00.000-08:00

So basically I have been trying to lose weight my entire life. Yet, somehow I'm still fat. But I don't want to stay this size for my last days of high school. I want to lose weight for my senior prom so I feel good about going and buying a dress. I don't want to have a repeat of every other event and end up crying the day of with no dress, no date, and no confidence. I REFUSE. So I decided to make a blog so it will push my motivation knowing I have to write about it later and to see a result. I know I will probably be the only person to ever read this blog but that's okay. This blog is really for myself and maybe any other girl out there who is trying to lose weight especially for prom. I mean we've seen things about prom since we were kids in movies and from our older siblings; it's supposed to be amazing! So I plan on making mine just that :)